After I found out I was pregnant, I spent the whole 9 months of my pregnancy visualizing my soon to become “perfect family life” with a baby. Pre-baby, I would constantly look at other people with their kids, & secretly tell myself “I will never do that with my kids” or “I’ll never be that kind of parent” or “if my kids ever do that I’ll smack them silly so they don’t ever dare to do it again”…sorry mamas! Little did I know, that this would all change & how I wish that those who had been there before me, had given me a small heads up. So without further ado, this my list of “20 things no one told me about motherhood” (which I now wish they had).
- You won’t sleep when your baby sleeps. Even though everyone keeps telling you to, it will be impossible for you to EVER sleep when your baby sleeps. Your alone time will probably be spent on: watching baby sleeping, catching up on stacked dishes or laundry, a very quick & stressful shower or even just scrolling through your newsfeed on social media to feel some sense of belonging to the outside world.
- Breastfeeding is really hard, well at first that is. Especially when everyone around you keeps giving you unwanted advice, or commenting on how your baby is constantly on your breast (even men, who don’t make milk) & you feel like there’s something you must be doing wrong. Add to that latching difficulties, oversupply/low supply, cluster feeding & growth spurts…it feels like a boobing marathon at least until you get the hang of it after a couple months.
- Advice from your parents & in laws will drive you insane. Oh yes it will, even if you thought you had the most perfect parents in the world, or your in laws are the sweetest most un-meddling in-laws, there will come a time, I PROMISE you, there will come a time, when one of them or both will get on your nerves with unsolicited advice as to how you should parent YOUR kid. Take a deep breath, calm down…it’s the GPS (Grandparent syndrome) & deep down they really mean well.
- Google will become your new best friend. You will find yourself spending hours every day googling “why does my newborn grunt in her sleep” or “what does normal baby poop look like” or even “can a 1 month old be teething”. Every time your baby hits you with a curve ball, you will find thousands of answers online & even if your pediatrician prescribes “Panadol” for your child, you will find yourself Googling the possible long term side effects of it on your baby.
- You will wonder if your marriage will ever go back to how it was pre-baby. You’ll be too busy fighting over everything & getting the hang of parenthood & for the time being it will seem like your couple life is over…don’t worry your marriage will get better in a year or 2 or 20 :P.
- Your social life will crash & burn. Yes even if you do get to go out once in a while, if you think you’ll still be the social butterfly you were before you had a kid, well honey, sorry but you’re delusional. Your outings will mostly be limited to grocery shopping, play dates & if you’re lucky you’ll get to have coffee with some friends (at home while baby is napping).
- You will lose some friendships & make a lot of new (different) ones. Be it online or at the park, you will find yourself connecting with other moms in more ways than you had ever connected with your single high school bestie. If someone had told me that 90% of my phone/whats app conversations would now consist of talking to other moms about all things baby related, I would have laughed out loud. Which brings me to…
- Baby poop will be the topic you discuss the most. If you ever thought looking at baby poop would make you sick before you had a kid, think again. Between changing over 250 diapers only in that 1st month of baby’s life, to sending & receiving poop pictures to your mom friends or husband daily, baby poop WILL dominate your life one way or another.
- When your baby is sleeping, noise will drive you CRAZY. Yes, yes any type of noise. Your knees cracking or dog barking, door bells, the upstairs neighbor’s vacuum cleaner, the noisy kids playing football outside (you’ll probably yell at them too for being so loud)…you name it. Noise will freak you out!
- You will never get a good night’s sleep EVER again. Ok, well maybe EVER is pushing it, but let’s say for a reallyyyy long time (especially if you plan on having more than one). And by the way, that “sleeps like a baby” line? DEFINITELY invented by someone who never ever had kids. Regardless of how you feed your baby, they WILL keep on waking up for several other reasons than hunger.
STICK AROUND…more fun coming soon & I promise you it ends well.
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